Monday, January 28

From The Beginning Until Now


You will never come back to me and you can't do it, please stop doing so, you comfort me like this..
If I can't see you again, I really wanna forget all about you that hold me.
Whenever I wanna laugh, you make me cry, you keep me from doing even one thing as I want. Whenever I miss you, I break down like this, even though I try to forget, I cannot do it.

I didn't realize loving one is so hard like this.

Shaggs

I will love you from the beginning until now,
I will love you from the beginning to the end.

Tuesday, January 22

The Grey Man



This is the text present in Chapter 11 of H.G. Wells's The Time Machine as serialized in the New Review. It was cut from the book but later published on its own as a short story, "The Grey Man." Any changes made in that version are unavailable.


"I have already told you of the sickness and confusion that comes with time travelling. And this time I was not seated properly in the saddle, but sideways and in an unstable fashion. For an indefinite time I clung to the machine as it swayed and vibrated, quite unheeding how I went, and when I brought myself to look at the dials again I was amazed to find where I had arrived. One dial records days, another thousands of days, another millions of days, and another thousands of millions. Now, instead of reversing the levers I had pulled them over so as to go forward with them, and when I came to look at these indicators I found that the thousands hand was sweeping round as fast as the seconds hand of a watch—into futurity. Very cautiously, for I remembered my former headlong fall, I began to reverse my motion. Slower and slower went the circling hands until the thousands one seemed motionless and the daily one was no longer a mere mist upon its scale. Still slower, until the grey haze around me became distincter and dim outlines of an undulating waste grew visible.

"I stopped. I was on a bleak moorland, covered with a sparse vegetation, and grey with a thin hoarfrost. The time was midday, the orange sun, shorn of its effulgence, brooding near the meridian in a sky of drabby grey. Only a few black bushes broke the monotony of the scene. The great buildings of the decadent men among whom, it seemed to me, I had been so recently, had vanished and left no trace, not a mound even marked their position. Hill and valley, sea and river—all, under the wear and work of the rain and frost, had melted into new forms. No doubt, too, the rain and snow had long since washed out the Morlock tunnels. A nipping breeze stung my hands and face. So far as I could see there were neither hills, nor trees, nor rivers: only an uneven stretch of cheerless plateau.

"Then suddenly a dark bulk rose out of the moor, something that gleamed like a serrated row of iron plates, and vanished almost immediately in a depression. And then I became aware of a number of faint-grey things, coloured to almost the exact tint of the frost-bitten soil, which were browsing here and there upon its scanty grass, and running to and fro. I saw one jump with a sudden start, and then my eye detected perhaps a score of them. At first I thought they were rabbits, or some small breed of kangaroo. Then, as one came hopping near me, I perceived that it belonged to neither of these groups. It was plantigrade, its hind legs rather the longer; it was tailless, and covered with a straight greyish hair that thickened about the head into a Skye terrier's mane. As I had understood that in the Golden Age man had killed out almost all the other animals, sparing only a few of the more ornamental, I was naturally curious about the creatures. They did not seem afraid of me, but browsed on, much as rabbits would do in a place unfrequented by men; and it occurred to me that I might perhaps secure a specimen.

"I got off the machine, and picked up a big stone. I had scarcely done so when one of the little creatures came within easy range. I was so lucky as to hit it on the head, and it rolled over at once and lay motionless. I ran to it at once. It remained still, almost as if it were killed. I was surprised to see that the things had five feeble digits to both its fore and hind feet—the fore feet, indeed, were almost as human as the fore feet of a frog. It had, moreover, a roundish head, with a projecting forehead and forward-looking eyes, obscured by its lank hair. A disagreeable apprehension flashed across my mind. As I knelt down and seized my capture, intending to examine its teeth and other anatomical points which might show human characteristics, the metallic-looking object, to which I have already alluded, reappeared above a ridge in the moor, coming towards me and making a strange clattering sound as it came. Forthwith the grey animals about me began to answer with a short, weak yelping—as if of terror—and bolted off in a direction opposite to that from which this new creature approached. They must have hidden in burrows or behind bushes and tussocks, for in a moment not one of them was visible.

"I rose to my feet, and stared at this grotesque monster. I can only describe it by comparing it to a centipede. It stood about three feet high, and had a long segmented body, perhaps thirty feet long, with curiously overlapping greenish-black plates. It seemed to crawl upon a multitude of feet, looping its body as it advanced. Its blunt round head with a polygonal arrangement of black eye spots, carried two flexible, writhing, horn-like antennae. It was coming along, I should judge, at a pace of about eight or ten miles an hour, and it left me little time for thinking. Leaving my grey animal, or grey man, whichever it was, on the ground, I set off for the machine. Halfway I paused, regretting that abandonment, but a glance over my shoulder destroyed any such regret. When I gained the machine the monster was scarce fifty yards away. It was certainly not a vertebrated animal. It had no snout, and its mouth was fringed with jointed dark-coloured plates. But I did not care for a nearer view.

"I traversed one day and stopped again, hoping to find colossus gone and some vestige of my victim; but, I should judge, the giant centipede did not trouble itself about bones. At any rate both had vanished. The faintly human touch of these little creatures perplexed me greatly. If you come to think, there is no reason why a degenerate humanity should not come at last to differentiate into as many species as the descendants of the mud fish who fathered all the land vertebrates. I saw no more of any insect colossus, as to my thinking the segmented creature must have been. Evidently the physiological difficulty that at present keeps all the insects small had been surmounted at last, and this division of the animal kingdom had arrived at the long awaited supremacy which its enormous energy and vitality deserve. I made several attempts to kill or capture another of the greyish vermin, but none of my missiles were so successful as my first; and, after perhaps a dozen disappointing throws, that left my arm aching, I felt a gust of irritation at my folly in coming so far into futurity without weapons or equipment. I resolved to run on for one glimpse of the still remoter future—one peep into the deeper abysm of time—and then to return to you and my own epoch. Once more I remounted the machine, and once more the world grew hazy and grey.

"As I drove on, a peculiar change crept over the appearance of things. The unwonted greyness grew lighter; then—though I was travelling with prodigious velocity—the blinking succession of day and night, which was usually indicative of a slower pace, returned, and grew more and more marked. This puzzled me very much at first. The alternations of night and day grew slower and slower, and so did the passage of the sun across the sky, until they seemed to stretch through centuries. At last a steady twilight brooded over the earth, a twilight only broken now and then when a comet glared across the darkling sky. The band of light that had indicated the sun had long since disappeared; for the sun had ceased to set—it simply rose and fell in the west, and grew ever broader and more red. All trace of the moon had vanished. The circling of the stars, growing slower and slower, had given place to creeping points of light. At last, some time before I stopped, the sun, red and very large, halted motionless upon the horizon, a vast dome glowing with a dull heat, and now and then suffering a momentary extinction. At one time it had for a little while glowed more brilliantly again, but it speedily reverted to its sullen red-heat. I perceived by this slowing down of its rising and setting that the work of the tidal drag was done. The earth had come to rest with one face to the sun, even as in our own time the moon faces the earth.

"I stopped very gently and sat upon the Time Machine, looking round."

Monday, January 21

El viajero a través del Tiempo

Describiendo al que protagonizó aquella gran historia.

Tenia ojos grises y un rostro habitualmente pálido,
larga cabellera obscura y la fisonomía de un cuerpo menudo.
Era uno de esos hombres demasiado inteligentes para ser creídos,
con él se tenía la sensación de que nunca se le percibía por entero;
sospechaba uno siempre en él alguna sutil reserva,
alguna genialidad emboscada, detrás de su lúcida franqueza.
A lo anterior se le debe añadir que era un hombre de acción,
ya que no dudaba a la hora de lanzarse a probar sus ideas y,
a pesar de los peligros de la primera aventura,
no le faltaba valor para lanzarse a un segundo viaje.
Además, era una persona con un extraordinario conocimiento
del mundo en el que vivía, tanto espiritual como social
o musicalmente hablando, y al que también caracterizaba
su preocupación por el rumbo de la humanidad,
motivo por el que se lanza a cambiar el destino de "algunas" personas.

Sunday, January 20

shaggs: my memory

i remember everything
i cant see even a little thing
when i close my eyes
youre far away
somewhere that i cant reach
i didnt say I love you or
i will wait for you
i really didnt imagine meeting you again
i still love you,
i confess you now
i wanna love forever if it is not late,
forever with me
even though my heart lived without you for a long time,
you were in my heart
i really didn't imagine meeting you again

Friday, January 18

Instrucciones para llorar



Dejando de lado los motivos, atengámonos a la manera correcta de llorar, entendiendo por esto un llanto que no ingrese en el escándalo, ni que insulte a la sonrisa con su paralela y torpe semejanza. El llanto medio u ordinario consiste en una contracción general del rostro y un sonido espasmódico acompañado de lágrimas y mocos, estos últimos al final, pues el llanto se acaba en el momento en que uno se suena enérgicamente.

Para llorar, dirija la imaginación hacia usted mismo, y si esto le resulta imposible por haber contraído el hábito de creer en el mundo exterior, piense en un pato cubierto de hormigas o en esos golfos del estrecho de Magallanes en los que no entra nadie, nunca.

Llegado el llanto, se tapará con decoro el rostro usando ambas manos con la palma hacia adentro. Los niños llorarán con la manga del saco contra la cara, y de preferencia en un rincón del cuarto. Duración media del llanto, tres minutos.


Julio Cortázar

Wednesday, January 16

stupify

yeah, bringing you another disturbing creation from the mind of one sick animal who can't tell the difference and gets stupified...


i've been waiting my whole life for just one
(fuck!)
and all i needed was just one
(fuck!)
how can you say that you don't give a
(fuck!)
i find myself stupified, coming back again
all i wanted was just one
(fuck!)
one tiny little innocent
(fuck!)
and when i feel like i'm shit out of
(luck!)
i find myself stupified, coming back again
why, do you like playing around with
my narrow scope of reality
i can feel it all start slippin'
i think i'm breaking down
why do you like playing around with
my narrow scope of reality
i can feel it all start slippin' away
see but i don't get it
don't you think maybe we can put it on credit?
don't you think it can take control when i don't
let it?
i get stupified
it's all the same you say,
live with it
but i don't get it
don't you think maybe we can put it on credit?
don't you think it can take control when i don't
let it?
i get stupified
all the people in the left wing ROCK!
and all the people in the right wing ROCK!
and all the people in the underground ROCK!
i find myself stupified, coming back again
all the people in the high rise ROCK!
and all the people in the projects ROCK!
and all la hente in the barrio ROCK!
i find myself stupified, coming back again
te-fa-hed
te-fa-hed
and don't deny me
no ** now, don't deny me
and **' don't be afraid...
look in my face, step in my soul
i begin to stupify. ah!
look in my face, step in my soul
look in my face!
(step into my soul!)
i begin to stupify! ah!

Monday, January 14

¿Dónde estás?

Busco en cada rincón
en cada recoveco.
Te busco bajo las rocas,
entre las joyas,
en las revistas;
en internet y en la radio,
y no te encuentro.
Te busco en la calle,
en la escuela,
en el aeropuerto,
en los conciertos,
pero no te encuentro.
Te busco al amanecer,
en la tarde,
te busco en la penumbra,
a toda hora te busco,
y no te encuentro.
Busco en el aire,
en la tierra,
bajo el mar;
te busco en el espacio,
bajo la lluvia y entre las letras...
Por más que te busco
no te encuentro.
Shaggs, ¿Dónde estás?

Monday, January 7

(Insert Title 03)

Los baños ya estában arreglados jojojo!
Al fín, después de tanto tiempo estabamos estrenando baños (: y lavamanos! yeah!
Pero por extrañas circunstancias la dirección estaba a un lado de estos...
Todos firmamos unos documentos. Y para que tú pudieras estar en aquella presentación, tenías que firmarlos tambien.
Ibas caminando con alguien más entre la multitud por ese pasillo. Me armé de valor y toqué tu hombro. Me puse frente a tí y me disculpé, jalándote del brazo hacia las oficinas de los directivos. Tu te reiste, estabas desconcertado. Yo también me reí y te dije que era necesario, tenías que firmar esos papeles. Eras de los pocos que hacían falta de firmar.
Lucías más joven que ahora. Entramos a las oficinas (tú, yo, y la persona que iba contigo. Era una chica) De inmediato me dirigí a la secretaria que se encontraba en un costado de la grande habitación. Le dije que faltabas de firmar. Pidió tu nombre y apellido. Luego te buscó entre un montón de hojas apiladas. No tardó mucho en encontrarte, pues al faltar de firma tu nombre estaba entre las primeras hojas. Te acercaste de un muy buen modo y sin perder tiempo llenaste el papeleo. No recuerdo bien de que hablábamos, pero yo estaba entre felíz y nerviosa. Tu jugabas conmigo y con tu acompañante. Recuerdo tu sonrisa.
Al lado había una gran ventana, que daba al aún más grande patio. Estabamos en un.. ¿segundo, tercer piso? Luego de las rejas que delimitaban el patio, estaba la calle. La angosta calle que a esa hora era muy concurrida. En la otra acera había una barda.
Ya casi era la hora de salida, era casi seguro que al estar los tres juntos, tendríamos que acompañarnos al menos hasta la avenida.
Pero el evento para el que habías llenado la documentación se adelantó al último momento, y nos informaron que debíamos ir de inmediato al auditorio.
Ya ahí no recuerdo bien lo que pasó. Tampoco sé de qué rayos trató el evento, créeme, no estaba poniendo ni tantita atención. Yo me senté en la primera fila. Tú y tu amiga femenina se sentaron más atrás, para desgracia mía.
Y para arruinar más mi existencia, ustedes se la estaban pasando muy bien. No dejaban de jugar y cantar.
Me dió sed y me dieron ganas de comer algo, así que salí a comprar.
Cuando regresé, ustedes se habían cambiado de asiento. Estaban más atrás para que quien daba la conferencia no notara su falta de atención.
Al momento en que entré, tu susurraste mi nombre para que volteara hacia ustedes y me sentara cerca. Ese fué un lindo detalle.
Me senté adelante de tí. Al rededor había pocas personas, pero nosostros al ser los útimos, recibíamos cierta cantidad 'extra' de atención. Los de atrás generalmente son los más revoltosos. Yo opté por ignorarlos tanto a ustedes como al expositor. Fingía atenderlo, pero en realidad solo estaba inmovil, muriendome de celos por dentro. Tu me hablaste, pero yo no quice voltear.
No quería que me llamaran la atención y mucho menos que me cambiaran de lugar lejos de tí.
Giré un poco hacia ustedes y les dije que no jugaría, y que era mejor que hicieran lo mismo. Así conservaríamos nuestros asientos y no nos regañarían frente a todo el público presente. Tu amiga se calmó y se sentó de mal humor. Tú al no tener más alternativa te sentaste tambien. Después de unos segundos te acercaste más hacia adelante y de pronto recostaste tu cabeza en mi hombro. Luego te recargaste en mi cuello, tus barbas y tu larga cabellera china me hacían cosquillas en la oreja. No dejabas de hablar en mi oído. Te valanceabas, hacías movimientos con tu mandíbula, ruiditos con tu boca. Te paraste de tu butaca y te hincaste en la alfombra. Introduciste tus brazos en las hendiduras que formaban los brazos de mi asiento y los de los lados, y me abrazaste por la cintura. Yo te dije que ya te sentaras correctamente porque si no nos regañarían a ambos. Entonces picaste mi estómago con tus rasposos dedos de guitarrista. Te repetí que te estuvieras quieto, y como no me hiciste caso, tomé tus manos con las mías y las saqué por las hendiduras de los acientos. Pero tu no me soltaste, tus manos seguían agarradas de las mías. Luego comenzaste a jugar con ellas. Las acariciabas, les dabas pequeños piquetitos y cosquillas, entrelazabas tus dedos con los míos, etc.
¡Ah! ¡tus suaves y húmedas manitas sobre las mías! Qué momento tan lindo, no pude evitar el seguir tu 'juego', pero sin desatender la exposición. Yo seguía bien sentada, con la vista al frente, oyendo lo que hablaban. No escuchaba, no prestaba atención. Estaba muy concentrada jugando contigo, viendo de soslayo como la tipa que según venía contigo estaba siendo desplazada por mí, sintiendome felíz de que yo aún sin ponerte tanta atención recibía mucho más cariño que ella. No podía evitar sentirme contenta de que en vez de seguir tus pláticas tontas con la tipeja, estabas más cerca de mí. Ella sólo estaba ahí sentada, con los brazos cruzados, refunfuñando y con una muy desagradable expresión en su rostro.
Tú parecías haber olvidado lo que pasó entre nosotros en el pasado, todo ese lío. Ahora hasta te habías puesto en cunclillas sobre la alfombra, recargado en mi hombro, hablandome al oído y acariciando mis manos.

---------------
Hoy me diste fuerzas, me tranquilizaste, y me puse melancólica cuando escuche tu suave voz a través de esa "bocina"...
Y es por eso que te agradesco el haber llegado a mi, el que te hayas atrevido a hablarme sin un buen pretexto. Te agradesco el haber sido la parte más importante en mi vida, y te agradesco que la hayas destrozado. Gracias por haber terminado con todo este sueño hecho realidad, gracias por haber forjado en mí lo que con tanta ímpetud has destruido. En serio, muchas gracias por haberme permitido ser felíz en esa etapa, que aunque aún me cuesta trabajo dejar atrás, acepto con una sonrisa.

Descuida, seguirás teniendo mi apoyo. ¡Nunca olvidaré tus manitas mojaditas y suavecitas! Tampoco olvidaré tu cabello despeinado, ni tus dedos rugosos, ni el sonido de tu melodía. Tampoco tu voz ni tu idioma. Me enseñaste muchas cosas, y eso lo llevaré conmigo por el resto de mi vida. (:

Saturday, January 5

Introducing Shaggs ¿? (:


Do you believe in angels?
Aren't you a believer?
Why don't you belive?
Maybe because you have never seen one,
right?
And what could happen
if you see one and saves your life?....


--Here it comes a wonderful and amazing story...

There was a girl named Carol, she was very sad and unhappy because she didn't want to study much for her highschool's exam. She didn't have hope to pass it with a good mark. Once while she was with her amigos in her supposed future new school, she saw a guy around 17/18 years old, he was tall, slim; he had black, long and wavy hair, white skin and little brown ayes. He was wearing a baby blue t-shirt, a blue jacket, black pants and black converse. But his look....his way to behave.. Were so special, so peculiar. She became parallyzed because of her discovery. It was so different the way he looked at her, he was just like the type of man she ever wanted, her dream. She went crazy by the look of his eye. After that, her only thought was this guy, she just wanted to go and take her exam's preparatory class....just to see him. She was again excited for study, pass that big/fucking/complicated admition exam, and be a part of that school and can see him. It was her ideal. Then she studied hard, passed her exam and got 110 good answers of 128. It was one of the best exams of the contest. Obviously she was accepted in the school she wanted. When she started the new classes, she was crazy looking for the wonderful boy....over and over, across the school. But she never found him. Even though she lost him, she didn't forget him, and she was always thankful that he made her study for the exam, and now she is studying one of the best schools, the career she never thought she would like to study, and what now she knows is the thing she loves to do. She thought "oh well…. he's gone, but I will never forget him, whoever he was, and wherever he is." A friend of hers told that he was an angel sent to her; he knew the exact way to make her study hard. He helped her like no one did. She didn't believe that. But like 1 year later, she had problems with analytical geometry, she failed it, and she was again depressed and sad. And one day, it was raining, she was walking home from school, and when she turned the corner, she almost crash with a guy. She looked up and saw his eyes, he saw hers too. There was a silence, and then they continued their paths. She knew that she'd seen him again. He was wearing the same blue jacket but was wet. It was the same beautiful and white face, the same long hair. The same look. When she got home, she went to bed and stayed there for a long. Then she thought: "if I don't pass geometry, and if I fail more things, I will be expelled from the school, then I may not see him again, I have to study hard!" …and she studied hard, one more time. She got GREAT marks at least of the semester. Finally she believed in angels.

Whoever you are…

I'll stare into your eyes and listen as you talk
I'll cuddle as we sit and hold you as we walk
I'll wake you with good morning and always say good night
And if everything goes wrong, I'll try and make it right

I'll tell you that you're the best everytime we kiss
And when we finally say goodnight your lips I'll surley miss
I'll never try to hurt you, but if I ever do
I'll kiss your nose and rub your cheek and tell you I love you

I'll tell my friends I love you and never be ashamed
Cause what we have together should surely be proclaimed
You cause the world to fade away whenever you're in sight
I long for nothing more than to forever hold you tight
I can't help but smile when I think about our love
You truley are an angel sent to me from up above
I'll never make you do the things that you don't want to do
Forever I will wait, as long as I'm with you

Friday, January 4

Here it begins

Here is
the sin
Something
to lie about
Todo
comenzó
con un beso

Tuesday, January 1

Movie in bed

first haiku






-Ishida Hakyô